i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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