ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
it's like heaven, but drunker
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
