I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
