if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
