You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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