I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
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