I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
