i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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