So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
