My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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