He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize