I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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