I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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