why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
