is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i would punch a child for taco bell
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
