i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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