the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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