Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
