Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
