I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
