I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
