Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
