Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
