Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
