After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize