Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
