Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
