I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
