I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
