I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
