DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
