And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
