How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
