Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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