She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
