in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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