I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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