Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
