I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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