It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
