didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
