Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
