When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
