my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
