Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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