like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
