Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
