I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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