i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
