whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
