you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
