i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
