I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
