Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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