stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
