I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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