chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
