On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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