You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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