So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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