Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
