That's when you crack a 10am beer
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize