Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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