Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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