this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If its not for food we ain't going out.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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