did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
