My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize