Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
