I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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