I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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