My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize