I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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