Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
