Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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