I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I could make wine with my vomit
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
