You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
